A personal breakthrough by way of rhinestone sunglasses
Reflections on a trip to LA & reclaiming a light heart
It is no secret that the last few years have been some pretty dark and heavy times — no explanation needed. We all deal with grief, trauma and loss in our own ways, and for me, it’s been done primarily through art. Having this outlet has served a healthy purpose, and I’m so grateful to have had somewhere to put all of the pain.
But things are changing. I’ve felt the shift germinating for a while now, and I think it’s going to change a lot in my life, including how I express myself creatively (new work in the works!). Also, while there are still challenging moments, by treating my PMDD I am generally feeling a greater source of energy and lightness.
I always find it amazing how when you are truly ready for a change, it seems like the people, experiences, and resources you need magically appear.
I recently took a trip to LA to visit my friend Devon (as in Devon Walz – an amazing artist who you should most definitely know and follow). I met her six years ago when she invited me to participate in an online creative workshop she was hosting. (The video of us meeting and chatting over Zoom, circa 2016, still exists and WILL haunt us for eternity.) We stayed in touch here and there but became voice-note besties over the pandemic and haven’t looked back since.
When I found a round-trip ticket for $70 to an airport 15 minutes from her house, I had to go. It had been years since I took a trip like that – just for myself, to see a friend, a true vacation. I knew being in a different place and seeing all kinds of art would be creatively invigorating, but what I didn’t expect is the impact just one little ah-ha moment would have.
And what it all comes down to is… an encounter with a pair of rhinestone sunglasses.
I’ve always been interested in personal style because, to me, it’s another form of creative expression. From a young age, I loved reading magazines, thrifting and exploring trends. While I still do play with fashion, my wardrobe has largely evolved to be minimal, natural, relaxed, and (I would like to think) timeless. I try to have high-quality basics in my wardrobe and stick to neutral colors. There is still personality in my style, but it’s definitely understated.
In Boulder, generally, the way people dress is pretty monotonous. Given our weather and active culture, there’s a lot of utilitarian dressing – puffy jackets, boots, Chacos, hiking pants, yoga pants.
So when Devon whipped out a pair of pink rhinestone sunglasses, something in me lit up. They reminded me of a younger time – maybe my 16- to 20-year-old self – who wore glitter bandanas and would spend an afternoon drawing with sidewalk chalk and saw life as a great, big adventure.
A couple of years ago I went digging through my Twitter archives. I was curious what I would find in my tweets from the aughts. In high school and college, I was a naive, previously homeschooled hippie girl who wanted to save the environment and create world peace. Consequently, I assumed I would find a whole bunch of cringy Jack Johnson lyrics and quotes about living and laughing and loving.
What I actually found caught me by total surprise, and brought up all the unexpected feelings. I (re)discovered a girl who believed in the innate goodness of humanity. Someone who viewed the world through a lens of enchantment and joy. She appreciated every little thing, loved people, and wanted everyone to know it. She knew what she was capable of and believed she could do it. She also didn’t take herself too seriously and was having a blast just being alive. Turns out it wasn’t cringy at all, but heartwarming, sweet, and genuine.
I know she isn’t gone. I still feel many of those qualities within, but a lot has happened that has dimmed my light. I have to believe I can reclaim it – I will never be the exact person I was, nor do I want to be, but I know that younger, freer self wants a hand on the wheel again.
She wants me to have fun making art again. She wants me to know life doesn’t have to look one rigid way to be successful. She wants me to go skinny dipping. She wants me to see possibilities not limitations. She wants me to say what I think without so much self-editing. She wants me to be unapologetically me. She wants me to take more risks. She wants me to know it always works out.
And I think she might want me to buy a pair of rhinestone sunglasses.
