A Personal Guide to Dealing with PMDD

10 tried-and-true tips for losing a little less of your mind

Every month it sneaks up on me. If I’m lucky I have a couple of energetic, bubbly, productive weeks and then bam – I look at the calendar and suddenly it’s day 17. If you’re familiar with the menstrual cycle, this is around the time of ovulation, (which varies from person to person) when things start to go awry for those who deal with PMDD.

Maybe it’s the power of hormones, but I always forget what it’s like – the paranoia, the self-isolation, the hopelessness. By the time I’m finally through it and on the up and up, all PMDD memories are left behind and forgotten – until next month.

This week I felt the early stirrings of another round of PMDD, so I wanted to put together a little “best practices” guide that I can reference during these times that will also hopefully help others. Keep in mind, this is a highly individualized experience, and I am not a doctor or mental health professional. Take what you want and leave the rest.

1. KNOW THE WARNING SIGNS

For me, there is a noticeable shift that takes place on or just after ovulation. I start to get more paranoid and overanalyze social situations. I feel weepy, wanting to cry over minor inconveniences. And the biggest clue is when I start to zoom out and begin asking existential questions with anxiousness and fear. It’s like clockwork, and if I’m not self-aware in the moment, I can get lost in the spiral of it all too easily.

2. PLAN AROUND YOUR CYCLE

In an ideal world, we could plan trips, meetings, parties, lectures, and deadlines around our cycles. It can’t always happen like that, but I try to lighten my schedule when I know I will be in peak PMDD time. If you’re lucky enough to have a somewhat regular cycle, it can be helpful to look ahead and try to schedule busier, more extroverted times for other weeks.

3. JUST TAKE YOUR MEDS

I say this more for myself than anyone. I luteal-phase dose Zoloft and there are times when I think “Maybe this time will be different. Maybe I don’t need it anymore.” I still carry some resistance to medication, but it makes the world of a difference to me during PMDD.

4. SLOW WAAAAY DOWN

We live in a society built around the male biological cycle – the 24-hour cycle. That isn’t us. Not every day can or should look the same for us. There are times of the month when we’re meant to slow down, to socialize less, to sleep more, to exercise and eat differently. One of my favorite books on this is In the Flo by Alisa Vitti.

5. RETREAT INTO YOURSELF AND LEAN ON THOSE YOU CAN TRUST

In the follicular (week #2) and ovulation (week #2.5ish) phases, my energy is high. I’m feeling social, funny, outgoing, carefree, and so hopeful. But when the luteal phase comes, I start to get irritable and snippy, which often signals that I’m actually forcing something, whether it’s socializing, intense exercise, too much work, etc. When I finally understand what is going on and let myself off the hook for whatever it is I feel like I should be doing, everything mellows just a bit. I usually become quieter and keep to myself, but having trustworthy people to lean on during hard PMDD times is crucial. Just make sure it’s someone who understands what you’re going through and won’t unintentionally add to the anxiety and depression of PMDD. It’s okay to set boundaries with folks who trigger you.

6. TAKE TIME OFFLINE

For me, PMDD time is when jealousy and comparison can rear its ugly head. When that happens, I know it’s time to seriously set boundaries for myself around social media. Mute the folks that trigger you. Do NOT look up your ex. Spend more time in books or watching feel-good TV. Try to stay focused on you – your desires, your goals, and what you’re grateful for.

7. LIMIT EXISTENTIAL THINKING

When all the big feels come up during PMDD time, everything in me wants to figure them out. Should I move to California? Should I quit everything and become a farmer? Do I want bangs? This is not the time for existential questions. Cut yourself off. Focus on the day-to-day. Try to be present. Try not to make any big decisions. Wait until you’re on the other side.

8. NOTE WHERE YOU FEEL CONFUSED

I’m not a “woo-woo” person, but I do think there is something to be said about the mind-body connection. I resonate with the idea that the issues that come up during PMDD time are signs of deeper issues that could be useful to take note of for later reflection.

Louise Hay (a controversial figure in the spiritual community, but someone I still can appreciate from time to time) says that PMS is caused by “allowing confusion to reign… giving power to outside influences… rejection of feminine processes.” That resonates. I often find that I am most triggered in PMDD time by circumstances I am already avoiding or not taking action on, even though in my gut I may know what needs to be done. 

This also reminds me of an analogy my friend Cait Flanders used to say during PMS time. The weeks leading up to PMS, it’s like the tide is high. The water is flowing and full in the bay. During PMS/PMDD, the tide goes out, and all the rocks, coral, and seaweed on the ocean floor are exposed – no more hiding anything. I think this is the power of PMS and PMDD – it forces us to see what we can numb and avoid for the rest of the month – but it can be really hard to embrace this in a society where the feminine cycle is not accepted or embraced.

9. STOCK UP ON SNACKS AND FEEL-GOOD ENTERTAINMENT

Now this is the fun part. I love having rituals around this time of the month (one of my favorites is baking these sweet potato fudgy brownies). And oh, the snacks. Snacks are LIFE during PMDD. Stock up on all of your favorites. You do not want to be hungry. For me, there’s nothing like looking forward to an evening of popcorn and dried mango while I watch Real Housewives to unwind from an emotionally volatile day.

10. TRY TO REMEMBER IT’S ONLY TEMPORARY

Easier said than done. Still, I try to actively remind myself that this too shall pass. This feels vulnerable to share, but I usually try to say it to myself in a soothing and almost-motherly way. I will gently rub my arm or the middle of my chest and say, “Oh… girl, it’s okay. You know what this is. It won’t last forever.” I have the hardest time when I am pushing against the feelings. When I can just surrender and let it all just be, even if it’s emotional or hard, I almost always find some relief.

Sending love to you if you’re in the middle of it. It won’t last forever.

xo

Amanda

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